Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Anti-Bradford Bridgewater fans should declare themselves now

A weird thing is happening this year with Vikings fandom: a lot of supposed fans are rooting, mostly in secret, for the Vikes to fail. What kind of shit fan wants his team to play badly? This isn't one of those years where the Vikings are expected to be bad, so a case can be made that they should tank for a better draft pick. This year the team actually has a chance to be good and make the playoffs. So why are there fucktard fans pulling a Trump-voter move and rooting for things to happen that go against their own interests? What could make fans behave in such a butt-stupid way?

It's all about that guy Teddy Bridgewater. The Return of Teddy. The Great Teddy Narrative. It's simple: Only if the team fails early will Bridgewater get a chance to play. So there are Bridgewater fans, amazing as this seems, who want the Vikings to stumble out of the gate so Sam Bradford is yanked and Teddy Bridgewater, when he comes off the PUP list after game six (cause he's definitely going on the PUP list to start the season, union be damned), gets to save the day. Never mind that, if Bradford plays poorly early in the season, it greatly reduces the team's chances at making the playoffs. If the Vikings are cold early and Bridgewater comes in and heats them up, that just makes the whole Bridgewater To The Rescue scenario that much sweeter for these dimwitted shitbags!

I for one don't want such fans walking around out there thinking they can get away with this bullshit, so here's what I'm calling for: There should be a national registry for Viking fans who plan to root for Sam Bradford to fail. These virulently stupid Bridgewater Super-Boosters/Bradford Haters should have to declare themselves, using real names as well as online handles, so we can keep track of them. If you're a fan who wants the team to do poorly so the certain player you like gets a chance to play and make you feel smart for rooting for them, you are committing the sports fan version of treason and you deserve to be branded with a Scarlet Letter (I'd send you to Gitmo but alas I do not have that much power).

The team matters more than the individual players, always always always. That's the number one rule! Yes Teddy Bridgewater is a very likable young man, yes it's sad what happened to him and it would be great for him to make a comeback...and yes there are lots of stats, advanced and otherwise, that show he's a better quarterback than Sam Bradford (quote them ad nauseum on Twitter, droning repeaters of analytics you only half-understand). Guess what? None of that changes the fact that the smart play for the Vikings is to go into the season with Bradford as the starter and Bridgewater on PUP. Sorry if that puts a damper on your Teddy Lovefest plans. Perhaps you could console yourselves by not worrying about how the Teddy thing plays out - since all that shit is in God and Rick Spielman's hands now anyway - and just root hard for the team you say you love, even with dopey Sam Bradford at quarterback?

The suck part of this whole thing is Bridgewater being dragged into the middle of it. Teddy deserves better than to be associated with a cabal of stupid-asses who don't get what being a fan is all about! Smart fans, whatever you do, don't let the behavior of this small minority of slobbering morons sour you on Teddy Bridgewater. I hope Bridgewater has a great life. It sucks what happened to him. But when it comes to the team I only want what's best for the team and I don't see how Sam Bradford stinking the place up early serves the interests of the team. Help me out here!

If you're one of these treasonous ninnies who secretly will be hoping for Sam Bradford to throw picks, take sacks and generally look horrible this season so your guy Loveable Teddy gets a chance to "prove the doubters wrong" (so many doubters!), declare yourself now. Say in so many words "I want Sam Bradford to fail so my convoluted and totally unrealistic day-dream Bridgewater scenario can happen." Say "I want the Vikings to lose games even though I have the nerve to call myself a Vikings fan." Say "I hope Sam Bradford gets broken in half because Teddy Teddy Teddy." Ignorance such as yours should not be allowed to hide in the shadows. It should have to face up to the cold light of public scrutiny. Most importantly, you should not be allowed to come slinking back like the rats you are when/if the Vikings make a playoff run with Bradford at the helm and Bridgewater sitting on the bench. You should be scorned, ridiculed, stigmatized. Blocked on Twitter, for sure.

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