Monday, August 7, 2017

Stupid douchebag Matt Kalil takes shot at Vikings coaches

Matt Kalil was drafted #4 overall by Minnesota in 2012 and would go on to play 66 regular season games at left tackle for the Vikings, mostly at a mediocre level. Though Kalil showed flashes of above-averageness in his rookie season, his Vikings tenure would largely be marked by the sort of almost-adequacy that starts off inspiring frustration but ultimately leads to mere shrugging resignation. A not-bad run blocker, Kalil never did develop into the stalwart pass protector the team envisioned him becoming when they spent the #4 overall pick to get him. Though Kalil was typically unspectacular in 2015, the Vikings brought him back in 2016 for $11 million, having previously picked up his fifth-year option. Kalil, who over the course of his career had at least been durable, suffered a hip injury and played just two games in 2016. With the Vikings retooling their offensive line, free agent Kalil shambled off to Carolina in 2017 to join his brother Ryan. Few Vikings fans were sad to see Kalil go. As Vikings draft busts go, Kalil was hardly the biggest or most painful or franchise-hurting. Even as a bust, he was decidedly middle-of-the-road.

Kalil is now in Carolina and appears to be enjoying the coaching he is receiving there, as reported in the above tweet. Contained within Kalil's praise for the Carolina coaching staff is a less-than-subtle shot at the coaches he worked under in Minnesota, first Jeff Davidson and later Tony Sparano. That Kalil never realized the potential the Vikings thought he possessed when they spent a high first-rounder on his dopey ass is certainly not all the fault of the coaches tasked with molding and shaping the player. Certainly, Kalil's failure to live up to expectations is at least partially on him and his stupid fat moon-face. But if you watched Kalil in Minnesota, and more importantly observed his off-field behavior, you will not be the least bit surprised to see him taking a childish shot at his former coaches. Kalil was nothing if not a big, snot-encrusted, whimpering titty-baby in Minnesota. We all remember the time he got mad at a fan for heckling him outside a game and slapped the hat off the fan's head. Trumpian show of maturity Matt!

Matt Kalil was not total garbage in Minnesota, he was just hopelessly not-quite-up-to-snuff. At times he was a turnstile and there were moments in 2014 and 2015 when you were sure he would get Teddy Bridgewater killed. At other times he was almost not-terrible. On average, he was almost good enough. Needless to say, sort of okay most of the time (but sometimes brutally bad) is not what you want out of a #4 overall pick. Had Kalil been drafted in the third round and turned out to be the player he turned out to be, you'd call it not a bad pick. You would think of him the same way we think of Phil Loadholt now. That he was expected to be a Pro Bowl-caliber left tackle and never really got into that vicinity makes his time in Minnesota look like more-or-less of a bummer. The fact that he's now sort of calling out his former Vikings coaches, strongly implying that he needed more pushing in Minnesota, is kind of a sad statement. But it doesn't seem the least bit out-of-character for Matt Kalil, a giant marshmallow-looking bag of shit with a dumb smugly grinning face that fairly cries out to be smashed in with a bag of bricks. I wish Matt Kalil had just gotten out of Minnesota and allowed me to forget about his numbingly run-of-the-mill existence but he had to go and say mealy-mouthed trash-talking stuff about the coaches who tried and failed to extract a level of performance from him that would have allowed us to feel good about where he was drafted. The funny part is Kalil suggesting his real problem was that he did not receive ENOUGH coaching in Minnesota. As if any amount of beating could have mended the pace of that particular dull ass. I wish stupid douchebag Matt Kalil would just shut up and be a Carolina Panther already, and stop vaguely referring to his wholly unremarkable time in Minnesota. I wish he would let us forget he was ever a thing.

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